Skip to content

Desperado…. well more like just desperate

Ah Mexico the land of Tequila, Funny polka music (that has some dark meanings  once translated to English) soap operas where men cry more than women and spicy delicious food, and drug **COUGH** car **COUGH** te *COUGH* l ma * COUGH* fias.
Well as we know Mexico has more that its fair share of problems, and while all the stuff makes Mexico awesome, there are reasons why we need to get out of the country to get money or live a safer less bullet ridden life, but sometimes we jump back in because screw it tacos.
And I don’t know about you but damn it sometimes the possibility of being shot does not deter me from cheap delicious food and booze.
Any way after a 2 day car ride in a car full of close relatives I finally arrived back to my grandma’s home.
Well my Grandmother basically raised my mother and her 8 brothers and sisters on her own,basically making her a tough as nails take no shit old school beat you with an extension cord old lady for looking at her in the wrong way. She once beat a woman and half drowned her in a tub of laundry for bitch slapping my mom for no reason –not a person you want to fuck with.

And living with her was my Crazy man hating aunt. don’t get me wrong  I love em both to death, but probably not the best living situation for a teen age boy who loves mischief and drinking.
I was enrolled in after noon school in the colegio de bachilleres Cobaez in Guadalupe Zacatecas Mexico. That was the only school that would accept me, after failing to arrive to take the school entrance exams.
Any way as most schools in Mexico i was required to wear a uniform and as would luck would  have they require you wear a black wool sweater as a part of the  of the complete package. The only problem was the school was in a desert city and we all know how awesome wool and the color black are in a hot bright day right?
Ah my first day of school rolls around, after a one hour walk to my bus stop I sit and wait for the School’s bus to arrive. Another 30 min ride and I am finally there.
It was sort of hectic looking for that place and I didn’t really know what the fuck i was doing but some how i go to the right class room.
The usual things that happen on a first day of school happen every one gives their names and an introduction.
My turn was up
GP: “Hello my name Is Pancho, I like to  do sports and I like reading,  special talents are that I can sense danger before it happens and i can throw webs out of my arms. Where was I studying berfore I came here in SHS in the town of Breckenridge Colorado.”
long pause….
CM1″wait so you came here from the gabacho*?”
GP:  Yup I sure did
CM2:  ” so you can speak English?”
GP: ah yeah, its kind of a requirement
CM2: ok (in  really broken english) yeeeeah fook yoa motha,
did i do good?
CM1: ” wait so whats your crazy ass doing here dont people usually leave not the other way around”?
GP: “yup they sure do but, where i was at it was cold and boring so i thought why not try something different?
Well the day goes by and I keep having people asking me about the states etc
RG: “are the girls prettier here or over there?”
RB: ” do all Americans have awesome parties like in the movies”?

Well aside from all this positive feedback  there are some negatives.
Introducing Mariquas a 20 year old Mexican that started his year of sophomore  high school at the same time and class room as me. Ugly as sin and as big as a gorilla. Now MS is a trouble making mother fucker if i ever seen one. He was always involved in drugs and constant fights. He was kicked out of several schools before already.
He well rolled out the welcome mat for me.
MS: ” hey gringo come over here”
GP: ” yo what up?”
MS: ” so how shitty do you think this place is compared to your City?”
GP: ” all places have their ups and downs and i actually kind of like it out here”
MS: “yeah right, any get yo hamburger eating ass out of here gringo”

GP: “hey fuck you i am no gringo, you crooked  tooth piece of shit”

MS: “look at this gringo all pissed, just because you got some balls don’t mean shit out here cause out here you are  nothing”

I am pretty pissed  off at this point, and 16 year old teenage boys are not really a fountain of wisdom and good patient well thought out plans.

GP: “Well fuck you fat ass toad looking retarded mother fucker! what kind of retard is still in their second year of high school  of the age of 20? Shit you might as well quit the scenery would have looked much better with out you.  Looking at you, your mom must have been a real stunner bet your dad doubled up on the brown paper bags for you!”

You ever wonder how some ones fist twice the size of yours feels across the face? Or how shiny new polished dress shoes smoothly kiss  ones ribs? The answer is  Ouch fucking A ouch, and as smoothly and romantically as a tranny sexually assaulting you at the tender age of 12. So yeah.

Most people would call that quits, you know i got my ass beat I talked shit to the wrong guy at the wrong time. I should learn my lesson and be done with it. But then  i remember my Dad’s old saying ” if you ever get in a fight remember to win at all costs, remember your pride  everyone in our side of the family has been a bad ass”
Fuck me and my families pride, that shit always be getting me in trouble.
Anyway I get up to my feet, and walk up behind him. I punch him in the back of the head, and yell ” who said this fight was over?”
In reality the fight was over when he cold cocked me in the head 3 mins ago.
The hit left me dazed and stunned. It felt like some one set off  a fire cracker inside my head. So that punch i gave him wasn’t really any good or effective at all, unless pissing him off was my goal.

So he picks me up like a rag doll and throws me against the out side wall of the class room. stomps on my gut for good measure.
He was about to make  my Face into ground taco meat with his fist.
My only thought is ” man i really fucked up and I hope i don’t have to see the dentist for this my grandma would beat my ass as well” .
All a sudden the other classes are released before he could go medieval  on my face.
Got up a few secs later, and went to my remaining classes for the day.
Got home and told my aunt and grandma that i fell down some stairs and took a nasty spill. They believed me of course the city was full of stone steps every where and i was pretty fucking clumsy at the time.

I go to bed knowing i need to bounce back from this but how?


Press Start to Begin

Every Story has a beginning, and an end. ( which wont happen until I am 160 yrs old surrounded by super models on a big bed or so I dream)
I always had a kind of itch for adventure. Ever since I could remember I saw movies and read books where one goes on a great journey to far and great lands. To all kinds of Crazy shit from frozen wastelands to tropical paradises. I also had a father who had  a love of foreign places and languages who yearned to travel, but financially could not. He always talked about far away lands and beautiful cities and how he dreamed of seeing them. He also talked about jungles and oceans he wished to explore and experience, naturally This too filled my hunger to get out into the unknown.

I was born In Los Angeles CA to two  illegal immigrant parents, ( give me all your hate of immigrants and trolling in the comments section that stuff is fun to read :P).
any way as such one grows up with out to much luxuries, but LA being an international city there was people from all parts of  the world, and many languages buzzed by on a daily bases. I myself could not speak much English until the third grade in school. But one thing any one had was Movies lots and lots of  video rental stores where my father loved to rent movies and watch them with his family. A lot of them  were action flicks which my father loved and all the awesome car chases and fight scenes through the cities just made me marvel and wish i could do the same. ( hey some kids want to be super man some want to be jackie chan or jean claude van damme spin kicking dudes in the face.)
Any way it was always rowdy in my house with my brother and our friends.
Years go by and eventually we move out of LA to Summit County Colorado. A beautiful (cold), nice, (cold), Breath taking ( really fucking cold), Scenic ( i think my penis froze off) place. At first I was excited to be here! like holy shit!  look it all this awesome snow and ice lets go sledding to Fuck this place hard just fuck it i hate being stuck on planet hoth kind of shit.
but the pay was good and crime and gangs are almost non existent.
First time in my life I saw a classroom (beside TV) full of white people and me being the Hershey kiss in an ocean of milk.
Well things go alright for several years but one does start to become bored and all work and no play starts  to make jack a boring boy.

So my brown ass decides to go back to good old mexico for  about a year around the time I was 16 yrs of age.
My parents were a bit uneasy about , the idea but in the end the gave me the green light. So off i was back to Mexico to study with a cute ( and naughty) school girlish glee.

An Intro to Insanity.

wet back a derogatory term used for Mexicans living in the United States. A name created for one crossing a river to a foreign land.
So if one Crosses entire Oceans to other Foreign lands what does that make him..?

I have been to many random places and different countries on my own
all before I have even turned 21.
When my Travels and adventures do get brought up in conversation I usually have a long ordeal of explanations and story telling I have to do. And I have had quite a few people tell me I should try my hand at writing, so screw it whats the worst that could happen? And hell if Jeebus and the great Buddah  loves me enough I can even get a bitching book deal or something.
(*mind wanders to rooms full of Alcohol and scantly clad women.)

And if no one does read this blog it will be something interesting to show my grand kids ( if i live that long) on how grandpa was more than just some crazy old ass Mexican that pinches the hot nurses ass all day long

So ladies and gents  the grand Pancho welcomes you into his audience.